Evolution from Alpha-Mask to Mindful Male

Evolution from Alpha-Mask to Mindful Male

Do you know a Mindful Male? He’s the man who considers the effects of his actions, who is conscious of how he behaves around others, who is willing to express feelings even to other men, he’s the man that women feel comfortable with, even if they don’t always select him for sex. Do you remember him from high school? He might have shown less aggression in sports, showing skill without wanting to be ‘best’ at any cost. He may have been teased for being the introvert, not a leader, but maybe not simply a follower either.

It seems there’s a revolution going on—or an evolution—in the cultural norms of masculinity, especially in the boardrooms of America. Time was when a corporate executive was expected to be a tyrannical, opinionated firebrand whose word was law. Think Trump, Rumsfeld and Turner. They operate with the latter-day equivalent of the Divine Right of Kings and Papal Infallibility. The hard-charging, insensitive autocrat is part of “The Alpha Male Syndrome”, a term coined by the founders of Worth Ethic, an executive consulting firm that counts major corporations and government agencies among its clients. Their web site describes the problem of the Alphas who lose control of their strengths which become fatal flaws that destroy morale and cost companies time and money.

In our book Redefining Seduction: Women Initiating Courtship, Partnership and Peace, we define two Alpha energies—the pure Alpha Male and the Alpha-Mask Male. The Alpha is the man born to be a leader, who doesn’t have to even try to create loyalty and admiration in those lower in the hierarchy, or to be a visionary, energetic leader. It all comes naturally to him and he is a rare commodity, a driven man, focused on his goals. If untrained in empathetic leadership, he may be insensitive to staff and co-workers, but if he has empathy as well as drive, he is an asset to the world.

The Alpha-Mask Male is really a Beta, one of the 95% of the population that are Betas. He has been taught by circumstances, mentors and peers that in order to be a Real Man he has to be a leader at all costs, or he is nothing. The movies are full of characters for him to copy, surrounded by explosions, impervious to bullets, emotionless and deadly. Or rock and hip-hop stars grimacing and foul-mouthed, rich enough to buy and do anything, surrounded by fawning, weak, boy-fantasy women. The reality is that Alpha-Masks do not have the innate ability to lead, so must resort to shows of force to coerce others into obedience.

There’s no doubt that Alpha-Mask men can ‘succeed’ in the world. Many of them reach high positions in government and business and show their willingness to do whatever it takes to get power and satisfy their greed. Along the way, they may encounter women who will collaborate in their rapacious schemes, because women have been taught by male-dominated culture to judge men by men’s standards. The cultural misconception is that if a man is at the top of a hierarchy, he must be a better man than those below him, so that makes him a good prospect as a mate. Unfortunately, encouraging and enabling such men has brought the human race to the point where we are killing the life-support system of the planet.

That dire fact may be what is fuelling a movement towards the Beta Male, away from autocratic Alphas and dangerous Alpha-Masks. While there are still plenty of shoot-‘em-up movies and video games to appeal to the adolescent men-to-be, and the U.S. military still idolizes unthinkingly obedient, dehumanized, trained killers (the classic Alpha-Mask role) as ‘heroes’, there is dawning a recognition of the qualities of a more thoughtful man as a husband, lover, parent and role model. Geeks and dweebs are now starring roles in many American movies and the day of the Hollywood Übermensch may be fading as films show more empathy for regular guys.

The Mindful Male is the man more attuned to the effects of his actions, the man willing to be held accountable, adaptable enough to understand the differences between people, but most of all between women and men, and to become a willing partner in every way. He is not afraid to express empathy and willingness to deal fairly even with his opponents. After eight years of the Bush regime, which lionized the Alpha-Mask mentality and drove the world into recession because of it, even Americans are looking for alternatives to that destructive paradigm. They seek statesmen, not figureheads; men who are willing to take the heat when they do something wrong; men who can admit a mistake and choose another tack. More importantly, they seek women who will use their feminine strengths rather than try to beat the boys a their own game; women who can bring the full power of their floodlight vision to complement the more focused spotlight vision that men use. They are finally willing to accept that women and men can work together in partnership.

These are all positive changes in Western society, if confusing for men, many of whom are still reeling from the effects of radical feminism and unsure of their public and private roles with women. The dating scene is now even more fearsome for men than ever, and most women, while feeling more comfortable in their femininity, still do not have a full knowledge of their potential and remain stuck in the old patriarchal role of waiting for the man to initiate. Evolutionary psychologists, such as Geoffrey Miller, author of The Mating Mind, understand that in most sexual species the female does the initiating while the males display. Add to that fact the necessity of the feminine influence in men’s lives, to civilize, guide and transform from macho display to mindfulness, and the infinite adaptability of the male to female preferences, and we have a recipe for deep intersexual partnership at all levels.

As more women favor mindfulness over machismo, and Beta qualities over Alpha-Mask posturing, more men will show up with those qualities. Evolution will run its natural course from the simple act of one woman inviting a man to talk instead of waiting for him to make the first move. Every time one woman initiates, men will see the successful display of the selected man. As more women do the same, men will understand how they need to behave in order to be selected, and the changes will snowball. Mindfulness is in our future, if the Alpha-Masks don’t wipe us all out first!

New Book for 2009!

It’s 2009 and here we are with a new edition of Redefining Seduction: Women Initiating Courtship, Partnership & Peace. With indispensable help from our good friend, Robin Carpenter, editor extraordinaire, we have brought more of our personal love story to the book. Much of it is told from our two different points of view, with alternating chapters from Paul and Donna. Robin is a consummate story-teller, and when she read our original manuscript, she knew it had to be melded with the later one to form a more compelling message.

Having put together the manuscript and added and edited a bunch of times, we were ready for a cover, and by great good fortune, Deutsch Design Works took it on and came up with a stunning layout.

We are very excited about the new book and hope that you and all our readers will find it interesting, instructive and invaluable. If you like it, spread the word!

Book Review

As a great start to 2008, we just received a book review of Redefining Seduction. It's on Evolution's Voyage, the site of William Spriggs, an evolutionary psychology scholar. You can find it at http://www.evoyage.com/Book%20Reviews/RedefineSeduction.htm

William is a great resource for deeper study of evolutionary psychology, and we thank him very much for his insights and support.

Redefining Seduction Rejecting Destruction

What? Well, it's time to reject the destruction of our quality of life, of sustainable modes of existence, of other species, of viable partnerships, of ethics, accountability and responsibility, of peace and safety, of female self-esteem, of the true male and of the life expectancy of the human race. And how!

And how? We believe that a giant step in the right direction would be, first, to read our book, naturally. Then to apply some of the ideas to your life and to educate others to do the same. In short, Redefining Seduction holds the key to the creation of a new partnership paradigm for society. Western society to begin with, then spreading out across the world in a great wave of enlightenment. Too grandiose? Too verbose? Perhaps, but if we don't begin to think BIG, our time will be up.

What's up? Patriarchal notions of behavior are endangering the planet and everything upon it, while distorting men's self-image. Patriarchally-damaged, small men with Big Male Masks (read the book!) are wagging their weapons at each other, bluffing and blustering and leading us into a nightmare world of death-cult envisioning, a world in which Armageddon is the goal and rapacity and destruction are the little boy's games they are playing in a grown-up world. Time for Mom to step in and say, "Time out, little man. Go to your room while I clean up this mess." That's the key.

See, there are things men are designed for and there are things women are designed for. Men are designed for focusing on the job at hand, creating stuff, destroying stuff and spraying seed wherever they can. Women are designed for seeing the whole picture, creating connections and creating life from raw seed. Men are not designed to choose their mates. This according to Charles Darwin and his Sexual Selection theory (read the book!). Men are designed to display their best traits. Women are designed to select their mates. So, guys, that's why so many of you have been rejected so many times when you made the first move. And it's partly why so many marriages end in divorce. Male-initiated marriages are more likely to end in divorce than female-initiated marriages. Google it sometime.

Some time has passed, about 6,000 years, since the Feminine played a major role in "developed" societies. During that time, we've seen a lot of stuff created and destroyed, and we've seen the creation of the myth of the Masculine being the power in the world. Now we can see where that's dragging us. Looks like we're about to go to war with Iran and men are killing other men (as well as women) all over the world. That's what society-conditioned men, left to their own devices, do, and they're doing it with bigger, harder and more potent weapons every day. It's the Viagra generation of weaponry. Now it's time for women to use their biological seductive power to reclaim their true role as the civilizers of men. Women are the drivers of evolution, through their mate choices, their child-rearing, their ability to understand the bigger picture and thereby the consequences of their, and their mates', actions. Women are the only hope for steering men away from their path to certain destruction.

Seduction is the hope for women and men everywhere. Using the Feminine Alpha Power to make men feel safe enough to drop their Male Masks (read the book!), initiating relationships with the men who display traits that are more to do with their complex inner selves than with the emotionless killing machines that are the current fashion, teaching men about the better life, better sex, better relationships that are possible in a true partnership society. Women finding their power through their own seduction skills. That's Redefining Seduction.